A friend just texted me at 2 in the morning and asked me if I would start dating him. I didn’t know what to say at first so I questioned where he was comming from, perhaps it’s because it was late and it was an emotional impulse, until he told me that he’s been thinking about it for months, and that he’s had his eye on me, for months. I didn’t know what to do, so I just told him the truth.
“I’m going to be honest. I can’t date you, or anyone else as a matter of fact, because I’m in no place to be romantically involved with anyone right now. I’m very flattered and I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t know what else to say, but unlike most of my friends, if someone confesses their love to me and it ends up one-sided, I don’t see it as a ruined friendship.
It felt very … Adult of me to reject him. I know that sounds odd, but the 14 or 16 year old me would’ve helplessly and aimlessly thrown myself into an empty and most likely very physical relationship with him. I am honestly in no place to date anyone right now, especially with the recent passing of my friend, and all the things going on in my life and in my head. It’s just too much baggage to share. What struck me as a little heartbreaking is that he told me he had been thinking about me for months, and when I told him I couldn’t he said “I already knew.”, I feel like such an asshole for rejecting him, but I know it’s for the better. He’s got a lot of stuff to sort out too, I can tell. To get together with someone purely on the basis of physical (and in his case sexual) attraction is another mistake I’m not willing to repeat.
I need time to be single and to live. I’m … okay, with where I am right now, because I’m not burdening anyone else.
Ciao,
-P.
This song touches me in so many ways. It makes me feel like whenever I listen to it, I can connect with everyone I’ve touched, both near and far, where ever they are in the world. It’s also bittersweet like most of the music I listen to. I can cry to this.
Am I a model yet?
I weigh 121 pounds now. 6 away from where I want to be. 11 away from what would be perfect.
Teaser/Polaroids from today’s shoot with photographer and friend, Arianna Biasini.
I’m learning to cope with my body shape, so I decided to do another implied nude/skank-shoot.
Make Up: Nicole Sunday.
Those eyes
So sharp,
They’re sharp as knives.
You hold me captive with the things
You would do and say.
You make me feel, and I feel
Like an Insect.
Via Unlovable
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Photo by Maria Zhikhareva
